Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

I feel like I have a lot to write about but at the same time I dont really feel like writing enough to give each topic justice ha. I feel a little out of it this evening with my nerves about tomorrow so I may be coming back to these things in future blogs and I probably will ramble on about random things ha.


Topic Number 1 - THANK YOU
First off I am so so so so sooooo very lucky and thankful to have such amazing family and friends and acquaintances and people I do not even know supporting me through all of this. I am taken aback everyday by the amount of support Ive received. My friends did a great job this weekend helping me to relax and have fun and everyday I received something to help me get through my chemo journey. On Friday my friend Meredith brought me an amazing chemo goodie bag filled with great stuff to help me through my chemo treatments and my friend Leigh brought me magazines to help me stay entertained. Then on Saturday I walked into my apartment after going to work for a bit and found out a group of my friends had gotten together earlier that day and made a box full of presents for me. There's a present for everyday for the next month or so. It was so very very sweet of them!!! It is going to be very hard for me to wait to open them ha but it will be so nice to have something to look forward to everyday. Then today my parents brought over a basket of food for chemo and a bag of chemo goodies from a church group at my grandparents' church, Monument Heights, along with letters and pictures from other family members. It all means so much and was so nice, I feel so very very lucky!!!

All of my amazing goodies for the next 6 months!
Thank you!! 

The bag from the church group really meant a lot to me because this same group made a quilt for us after my nanny died that we now have hanging in our family farm's living room. I miss my nanny a lot and especially recently while going through all of this. I havent gone through a lot of health issues in my life (thank goodness) but when I have we would always go to the farm and she would help take care of me, so its hard not having her here with me through this but at the same time Im kind of glad she isnt because I know this would just worry her. But they made me a blanket and its so nice to feel connected in that way.

These are just things I received this weekend. I have received cards, emails, facebook messages, texts, and flowers over the past two months giving me words of encouragement and support and brightening up my days. It has been so nice and again I feel so lucky to have such a great support system. I can not imagine going through this alone and I give thanks everyday that I have the family, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances I do supporting me through this.


Topic Number 2 - Goodbye Long Hair
My hair is 90% likely to fall out in the next couple of weeks after starting chemotherapy and I can not imagine going through that with my long hair. Therefore I decided to cut it short before that process begins. For those of you that don't know, I love my hair, and I especially love how long it is (well now was). I had been growing it out for years and had finally gotten it to where I wanted it and with a couple quick snips it is gone. I hate that I have such an attachment to my hair and know its a trivial thing in the grand scheme of things. It will grow back and I am so very very veeeerrryyyy grateful I do not have breast cancer or another type of cancer where I lose a body part and my hair but its still hard. Today I went to my hair dresser, Michelle, with my two of my best friends Carrie and Camille and we chopped it all off (pics below). Michelle did a great job and I am so grateful to have her as my hair dresser and as a friend. We went when no one else was there and it was nice just to have some breathing time to go through it. I still have not gotten used to it but I like it, it just doesnt feel like me yet. I'm finding with a lot of the stuff I go through that Im just watching myself go through things because I need to. Its hard to explain but it feels kind of weird, its a strength to just deal with things because I need to. I had a hard time this afternoon after the appointment but I dont think it was because I now have short hair but more so because this means its the beginning of all of this and that is a little scary. But yes, so goodbye to long haired Crams and hello to short hair!!! It is definitely going to cut my getting ready time down haha. Also in good news I found out this week I can donate it to Locks of Love!! I am very excited about that. We cut off 13 inches so hopefully a good wig will be made from it.

Topic Number 3 - Strength
Over the past week a lot has happened. I have had surgery, gone through azillion tests, felt the affects of medicines, and have acquired two new battle wounds. Before my surgery last week I was feeling very "woes me" about the scars I was going to get. I had just read a blog from a debbie downer type who was going on about her  port scars (years after her cancer) and it kind of freaked me out. Now mind you when I call her a debbie downer I am not trying to be mean its just after reading tons of blogs by people going through this you can tell who focuses on the negative and who focuses on the positive, she was not on the positive. Anywho, it started to make me worry and realize I am never going to have my scar free chest again. These scars will be with me forever and soon I wont have hair and all of these crazy things started running through my head. Then I remembered one of my best friends, Paige. She is one of the most beautiful, strong, and confident women I know. I always forget but when I was thinking about my two little scars I am going to have I remembered that Paige has a large scar going all the way down her back. Paige had scoliosis as a child and had to go through so much growing up. I cant imagine going through all of that while a teenager yet here is Paige extremely confident and proud of who she is. I have never seen her shy away from a bathing suit or dress to try and hide it. Thinking about this and her strength gave me strength and a wake up call like wtf am I going on about? This is nothing. Since that realization I seriously have not felt self conscious about it since. This is just one instance where one of my friends unknowingly has given me so much strength and helped me through this and I know situations similar to this are going to happen over and over. I have so many strong and corageous friends and family members I just forgot that I could look to them for this type of support as well. So again thank you for being such amazing people!!

Topic Number 4 - Tomorrow
I've thought long and hard how much I wanted to say in this blog and what I should make from it. For the past two month I have read A TON of cancer blogs. After reading them I have decided I want this blog not only to update my friends and family but to also be a place where people like me, who just found out they have cancer, can come to and read to find out what its like and what you go through. Like I said earlier some of the blogs I have read have been on the debbie downer side, just filled with all of the horrible stuff you go through and no happiness in sight. This I did not find helpful instead it was pretty terrifying. But on the other side I've read blogs of people who are so positive. Although this was nice at first I am just like wait a second it cant be that okay, I am sure you were sad or felt like crap at some point. In my searches I only found a few that were a happy medium and that is what I am going to try and make this. I am not one to share all of my emotions with people so I am not going to do that here, but I will not hide when I am scared or nervous or sad but I will also try to stay true to myself and pull out the positive of situations.

So Tomorrow.... Blllaaahhh to tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it and quite honestly do not feel like doing it. I keep telling myself to have courage and that works to an extent but I am still nervous and scared for what is to come. As I am sure you have learned so far I hate not knowing what's to come and no matter how many blogs I read, youtube videos I watch, or people I talk to who have gone through chemo, I still dont know what tomorrow is going to be like for me. Everyone goes through this differently and that is killlinnnggg me. I have my chemo goodie bag packed and I am ready to go but mentally I am still getting there. I am not sure you can ever prepare yourself for this but lord knows I am doing my best. So here we go, as my friend Katie and I talked about tonight just going to try and focus that this is the first day to beating this thing and bringing it to an end. So woohoo to the ending!!!

Side Note
The RVA stickers are huge around here and I will admit Im loving the RVA gear but I found out they have these awesome "RVA Fights Cancer" stickers. The majority of the proceeds go to the Massey Cancer Center (where I go). So if you need an RVA sticker get one of these!! :) http://shop.rvanews.com/products/vcu-massey-cancer-center

That's All Folks! 
Thats it for tonight. It ended up being a lot longer than I initially expected haha, so thank you if you made it through the whole thing. Again thank you all for your continued support. I know I say it a lot but thats because I really want to express how much it means to me. I will post as soon as I feel able after tomorrow. Fingers crossed it all goes well!