Chemo Tomorrow, Wigs and Masks Today

Today it has been exactly 2 weeks from my first chemo treatment. The weeks have gone by so fast and tomorrow is treatment 2. I surprisingly do not feel anxious or nervous about tomorrow. I am ready! The pain and blahness from 2 weeks ago feels so long ago and I barely remember feeling so down. This is great, I think this lack of memory is helping me not be so anxious about tomorrow. I also feel more prepared than last time. I know what Im walking into. I just hope the after affects are the same (or less), and no sneak surprise reactions come up.

So woohoo, lets go! Chemo time means goodbye cancer time!

The weekend before last mom and I went wig shopping. There is a slight chance I may not lose my hair but I know if and when it does happen its going to be very hard and I want to be prepared. So we decided to have my wig lined up just incase. So wig shopping we went! Our first and only stop was the Merle Norman Cosmetic Studio. Mom tells me Merle Norman used to be quite the popular makeup, well this is a store that sells that but also does wigs. The lady there, Mary Anne, was just as sweet and helpful as she could be. She sat with me for a long time trying on so many different wigs and styles. I thought for sure I would want a nice long wig since I am missing my hair so much but that is not what happened. After trying on some long wigs I realized fake long hair was just not for me and Mary Anne explained it gets damaged a lot easier. I finally chose a wig that I really liked and felt like me the most but they only had it there in gray haha (pic below). So now at least I know what I'll look like with gray hair if I ever let that happen.

My chosen wig style! 

Once we had picked the wig it was time to pick the color. Those who know me know I frequently change my hair color between brunette and blonde, my cousin once called my Tonks haha (Harry Potter reference). There are different wig lines/designers and each line has different colors, unfortunately the wig I wanted did not have colors there in a dark brown or the blonde I liked. Mary Anne said they were getting a new shipment the following week so we decided to wait and come back.

Fast forward to this past Thursday. I started getting nervous about not having a wig ordered yet. It can take up to a week for a wig to come in and I was getting scared I may have to shave my head before it gets here if we wait too long. I've noticed hair falling out but I cant tell if its normal amount of hair or chemo induced hair falling out ha but that has made me a little anxious. We decided we'd go back to Merle Norman Friday regardless of if the new shipment was in and just pick a color and get it ordered. Thankfully though I got a call from Mary Anne Friday morning letting me know the new wigs have come in. So back to Merle's we went and more wig trying on commenced. They ended up not having the color I finally decided on but the ladies at Merle's seemed to know what they were talking about so hopefully it will look good!! Oh and I decided to go blonde!! :)

This past week has been pretty good! Overall I have felt completely normal. I get a little tired when I try working out and I definitely can no do what I used to. Its crazy how this time last year I was training for my second half marathon and now I got tired when I tried to walk the length of Cary Town and back. BUT aside from that I feel like myself which is awesome. However, this having neutropenia thing has really been bumming me out and its very hard for me to get used to. I cant go out and do much and if I do I have to be so paranoid about what I touch, the air I breath, everything. Not to mention thinking about what foods I can or can't eat. For a pick me up I was going to go to Williamsburg and go walk around the colonial part, eat at my favorite sammy place, and then go to a store or two at the outlets, then my dad reminded me I couldnt eat my favorite sandwich because I cant have deli meat. I just looked at him like are you freakin kidding me! So I opted not to go to Williamsburg and instead went and bought self tanner and a new dress ha, its the little things.

During the week I didnt like all of this but it wasnt a big deal because we have a big event coming up so I basically just worked and came home. But then the weekend came. One of my friend's was having a birthday party but I realized I could not go due to some guests recently having the flu. Then Carrie told me she got free tickets to see Billy Elliot, I reeeaallllyyyy wanted to see Billy Elliot. I realized the only way I could go was to wear a mask and even then I'd have to be oober careful. It took me a couple of hours to decide if I could be around that many people while masked. I just envisioned everyone looking at me weird. I finally decided to go and wear the mask but that I would wrap my scarf up around me so you couldnt tell and just leave it on the whole time haha. So that is exactly what I did. Carrie and the girls were very supportive and offered to wear masks too but I thought that might look like we were coming to rob the place or something ha so I told them it was okay. Billy Elliot was veeerryyy good!! I did get pretty hot wearing the mask and scarf the whole time though. I was tempted to take the scarf off a few times but I just couldnt do it. More baby steps, maybe next time. I think its hard for me too because I feel so normal right now and that I could just go back to my "normal" life. Buuutttt things arent normal and I can't.

Looking like the mean dude from Batman.

The magic of a big bulky scarf! 

The rest of the weekend I spent staying in, aside from my little self tanner/dress excursion. On saturday night I was feeling antsy and the need to paint and be creative washed over me. So I ran into Ben Franklin (gloved, scarfed, and hand sanitizered up) and purchased some canvasses and paints. I already have an idea for a project after all of this is done with the hospital bracelets, charts, and cards I'll have collected but I felt the need to create something that night. I think this whole process will help me focus on things that really fuel me and one of those is being creative and letting my artsyness flow. So I took this past Saturday evening in to do just that. I have been thinking about Savannah a lot recently, I love it there so much, so I started painting some of Forsyth Park. However mid painting I felt like going splatter crazy, so I did. This has been the first time in a long time I have done something creative without having an end project in mind so it was nice to have the freedom to just do what I felt. It will be very interesting to see what crazy creations I come up with during my chemotional months haha.

My splattered Savannah