Port-tastic News!

After more than two years with a portacath in my chest I recently got it removed. I no longer have a bump sticking oddly out of my right chest. In case you do not remember what the port is all about it is "a small medical appliance that is installed beneath the skin. A catheter connects the port to a vein." It is basically placed in patients going through Cancer so they can easily draw blood for labs and give you chemotherapy and other meds. This way they do not have to try and find a vein every time they need to access you.

If you recall from early posts I was very nervous about getting this. It was my visible evidence that I had cancer, since I had none at the time. Post cancer it was the visible evidence and reminder that I had had cancer. Although I did not like the idea of it in the beginning I will say through the years I grew an attachment to it. I know that sounds super weird and its hard for even me to understand but when Dr. Wiedl said it was time to schedule for it to get removed I got super nervous. She was surprised by my reaction, thinking I would be excited at the symbolism of getting it removed. This means my cancer journey is hopefully over. However for me it raised a lot of other emotions. 

I was scared, nervous, and anxious. Is this really it? What if I get it removed and then the cancer comes back and I no longer have my trusty friend to help me get through treatments? I don't want to have to go through all of those surgeries again. What if by getting it out I am jinxing myself? This means there no longer will be any obvious evidence I have had cancer, nothing to show all that I've gone through. Shouldn't I be glad by that? These are just some of the many questions I asked myself, half of which I didn't and don't understand why I feel that way. But I knew that oddly I was going to miss my port. 

I could tell Dr. Wiedl could kind of sense where I was coming from. She said we could wait and hold off a little longer if I would like but she also said she thought I should get it removed. That it was time to shut this door and move on... Something I ultimately ended up agreeing with and doing but how do I move on from something that has changed my life completely? I still haven't quite figured that one out yet but I did come to agree that getting my port removed was probably the first step in that process.  

I went to the doctor one bright Friday morning and got it removed. It took a little less than two hours and not near as much pain as it did to get it inserted. I had read in other people's blogs that they kept theirs (one person even got her's bronzed) so I asked to do the same. It is nothing like what I expected it to look like. I thought it was this huge silver thing inside of me... instead its a small plastic thing. 

My Port! 

I will say post getting it removed I have become more excited that its gone. I am looking forward to a summer of dresses and tank tops portless. And now where my port once was is just another scar. My 5 scars and 4 radiation tattoos from this journey are reminders to me daily to be grateful for the life I have.