I feel like a child on a very long road trip where you're stuck in the car and cant get out till you get there. Seriously, are we there yet?! I am officially ready for this to be over. I mean lets be serious I have always been ready for it to be over but now Im reeeaaalllly ready for it to be over.
I was able to have chemo 7 a little over two weeks ago, 4 days after I was supposed to have it. It all went fine and similar to the 6 before. At one point I was starting to get really anxious every time I had to go to Massey for anything, but now, thankfully, its become a part of life and it would feel weird not to go there at least once a week. This is my new normal. Thankfully I did not have any bad reactions to this round of chemo. My nausea has gotten so much better and I have not had any of the other symptoms I had experienced previously. The main thing is exhaustion. Round 7 took me so much longer to get over than the past. The first day I started to feel back to semi normal was the day before I was supposed to have round 8, last Friday.
I was so excited to start my 8th round and get down to only 4 chemos left but after getting my blood drawn I found out my counts were too low to have chemo. This time my neutrophils were at .4 and they need to be at least .5 to be able to have chemo. A major womp womp. So I had my little pity party and went back to work and tried to focus on this meaning I'd have a weekend of feeling good at least. We would try again on Tuesday.
On Tuesday we met with Dr. Wiedl and waited for my blood results in the hopes that I would get to have chemo that day. Instead we got a double womp womp with the news that I had no neutrophils. None! 0! No point anything. So basically that meant on that day I had no immune system. Obviously this means I have to be extremely careful because anything could potentially put me in the hospital. If I start feeling weird, get a fever, coughing, anything, I have to go to the emergency room. My counts will slowly rise back up but I have to remain careful.
I think it is important to take this seriously, which I am sure comes as a shock to my parents, but at the same time I try not to dwell on it too much. If I was to constantly think about how every person I interact with, every little thing I touch, and the food I eat could possibly make me sick and put me into the hospital and to be serious possibly kill me, I would always be scared and anxious. So I am trying my best to be smart about it and be cautious but also not stress. Since I am not a worrier by nature this has not been too difficult :). Plus lucky for me (sad for them) I have my parents for that haha. When I woke up on Wednesday with a sore throat my parents first instinct was to go to the hospital, mine was to get some hot chocolate haha. We did not end up going to the hospital, but they did call the doctor and she said if any other symptoms arise to go straight there. Luckily nothing else has happened since and my sore throat is almost gone. Even though I make fun of them I am very grateful for my parents and their support, worries, and for constantly looking out for me as they do. There have been many days I would not have eaten or gotten out of bed if not for them. I am very lucky to have them!
I also feel extreeemely lucky with how my mind and body are taking all of this and knock on wood everyday that my luck remains. I have been neutropenic the majority of the time so far (and it looks like will remain that way) yet somehow my body is still keeping the infections away. Not to mention I didnt lose all of my hair and my worst symptom is exhaustion. When I am having a good day I sometimes forget I have it, I just feel like me. One day a few weeks ago I was driving somewhere without my wig and I looked in my rear view mirror and I though to myself, "I look like Im a chemo patient", and then I was like duuuuuuhhh you ARE a chemo patient haha. It just still has not hit me yet and I am not sure if it ever will.
But anywho back on track. So I was unable to have chemo on Tuesday and we are going to try again tomorrow. This means I have said goodbye to my idea of possibly being done by the 4th of July. With each delay I slowly see my summer slip away. Now I will definitely be having chemo until mid July, I am just hoping it does not get pushed any further back. Im pulling my cancer card and allowing myself this melodramatic moment haha. So fingers crossed tomorrow works out and I can cross another treatment off my list and get to round 4 sooner than later.
Thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers!!!
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