No News is Good News!

   

Christmas time is one of my all-time favorite parts of the year. I love everyone being in the Christmas spirit, the music, the movies, and all of the traditions. During this time of year I feel so thankful for the life I have. It is crazy to me to think about this time three years ago and how I was having scan after scan and about to embark on an experience that would forever change my life. In some respects it feels so long ago and other times it feels like it all just happened yesterday.

I am happy to say that I am still doing well and I have nothing new to report. No news is good news for me right now! I continue to be in good spirits and am thankful for that and the calming I feel right now compared to times in the past. I did recently have my mammogram and a MRI attempt so I thought I would share about those experiences for those who may need to get one or both soon.

So the mammogram... if you don't want to hear boob talk don't read any more of this post :) As I mentioned in previous posts my doctor decided that I should start getting a mammogram yearly now since I had radiation on my chest. Women normally need to start getting mammograms in their later 40s. I had heard stories about mammograms both bad and good so I wasn't sure what to expect. However, after all of the scans and tests I have had in the past couple of years I was not too nervous for this. Since I am younger the doctor set up for me to have a mammogram followed by a breast MRI. I had never had a MRI before but again after all of the other scans I was not too nervous for that either. It is my understanding that they like to have a breast MRI following a mammogram on younger patients because our breasts are more dense and it's harder to see everything solely based on the mammogram.

The mammogram went very well and I did not find it that bad. You wear a robe that is open in the front but you can keep your pants/skirt on (don't wear a dress). You come into a room with the technician and of course a large machine. The technician positions you so that you are closely in front of the machine. She adjusts the machine so that there is a platform right at your breast level. She then pulls one of your breasts to lay on the platform and then adjusts a clamp to kind of smoosh it down. It is definitely not the most comfortable thing and pinches but I did not find it too painful. The technician then goes to a computer in the room and takes a few pictures. I think I had to stand like that for maybe 20 seconds or so. If you had to stay like that for a lengthy period of time it would definitely hurt but for 20 seconds I did not find it that bad. She then adjusts you in the same manner but at different angles and then does the same thing to the other breast. I found the whole experience pretty painless and short. I will say I have heard from women that have smaller breasts that it is much more painful so just be aware that the experience definitely depends on your breast size.

It is exactly like this

I then went down to get ready for my MRI. The MRI is like a CAT scan in that you have to get an IV and at one point they insert contrast into your system. The nurse told me more about the MRI process while I was getting my IV, which takes a long time these days since I do not have a port and its hard to find a vein. Her description of the MRI was making me a little nervous but I was still feeling okay and ready. She told me how MRIs are like PET and CT scans in that you lay on a board and they slide you through. However for an MRI there is a closure at one end. For a breast MRI you lay on your stomach and they have two holes that your breasts fall through. She said this type of MRI is actually better because your head is toward the opening where most of the other MRI scans your feet are at the opening. I liked this because I am somewhat claustrophobic and the idea of not being by an opening freaks me out. The nurse also told me that MRIs are very loud. It sounds like someone is drilling in the next room so the patient has to wear earplugs or headphones with music and that some wear both.

As I walked into the room with the MRI machine my anxiety started to rise a little bit. I laid down on my stomach and got positioned and "comfortable" and then the nurse asked me if I would like headphones or ear plugs. I didn't know which would be better but I figured music would be good since you have to lay there for 25 minutes so I asked for Disney pandora, you know, to put me in a happy place. She placed the headphones on my head and then my anxiety started to rise even higher. The headphones are the huge ear covering headphones so I then felt even more constricted. They give you a button to hold in your hand so that at any point you want to stop you can push it and the nurse will come. Well I started pushing mine before I was even fully in the machine ha. She started to slide me into the machine and then my anxiety was at top notch and I couldn't do it. I started crying and asked that we stop. I do not like to cry in public so this was a big deal for me which had me embarrassed and then made me cry even more. I was a hot mess! I think through this whole experience I have only cried a few times in front of people other than my parents and that had to do with being in immense pain so I knew when the tears started coming that the MRI was not going to happen for me that day. I felt so bad since I had taken so much of their time but the nurse comforted me and told me it was no big deal and that this happens frequently. She told me I would just have to notify my doctor and they would prescribe me with valium to help me get through the experience the next time. So the MRI was a major fail for me. I do not know how people do them without some prescription assistance! And even then I am still not sure if that is going to help enough to get me through it.

I told my doctor what happened and luckily she had already gotten my mammogram results, which were good (woohoo!), and she said I no longer had to get the MRI. Thank goodness!!! Hopefully the next time I have to get an MRI I will be better prepared and a lot calmer. However, I am very glad I do not have to get one anytime soon.

I recently found out that Dr. Wiedl will no longer be my oncologist. I loved having Dr. Wiedl as my doctor and am very sad to have her go. She was predominately a pediatric oncologist but she also had some young adult patients. Now she is going to work solely with children. I have not had an appointment with my new oncologist yet but it is going to be very weird having someone new. Dr. Wiedl was with me every step of my journey and brought me such comfort and assurance during scary times. I was lucky to have her!!

Although the MRI was a traumatizing experience for me I am very grateful that that is the most anxious I have been in the past 4 months. I am so thankful for the health I currently have and all of the friends and family I have that continue to support me through this journey (and all of my other life journeys). My next PET scan is scheduled for February so I will report more then and hopefully I will continue to have no news. Thank you all and Happy Holidays!!